Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
