My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
