So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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