You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
