Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
