just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
