I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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