Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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