There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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