Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
