its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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