im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
