Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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