I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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