I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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