we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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