I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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