I just pynch a tree in the face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
