When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
