Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
