you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
