he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
