i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
