btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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