theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
