Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
