She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wear drunk well.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
