you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
