it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
