Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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