life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
