Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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