wanna go halves on a baby?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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