i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
