I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
