Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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