I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
