i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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