Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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