I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
