Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize