Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is classic penis vs brain.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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