god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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