I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
