We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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