so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
