do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
