Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
