I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
honey bunches of taint.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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