If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
