dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
