I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think your dad took our porno
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
