You just made me feel so damn special
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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