I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
