Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
