blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
