So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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