im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
