I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
