i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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