Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
