So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
