kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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