I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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