i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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