I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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