I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
