the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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