not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
