I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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